Et Tu Brutus

The rich,powerful Senators wanted to kill Caesar. They knew he intended to get rid of them and they wanted to strike first. They considered Brutus be be a suck up to Caesar as much as Caesar thought he was a suck up to the Roman Senate. He was walking along, whistling a tune he liked. It made what happened later that shocked Caesar. He didn’t think Brutus had the balls for what he did. He might think it but he would never try it. The wealthy Senators didn’t like what Caesar had done. He had crossed the Rubicon, after telling them he wouldn’t. The Senators believed him because he told everyone he only wanted to be dictator. He never explained the difference,and never had to, as long as he stayed on the borders. Seems the Senate misjudged him.

The wealthy Senators didn’t like what Caesar had done. He crossed the Rubicon, after telling them he wouldn’t. The Senators had believed him. He told everyone he only wanted to be dictator. He never explained the He kept the borders safe by giving the savages beer and killing a few of them from time to time. Caesar wouldn’t touch the beer. He’d drink from a privy first. Hell, this might be where his brew-masters got their water from. Maybe it’s where they get his water. They drank what they brewed so long, the had no taste buds any longer. This is where the term “Don’t drink the water came from.”

He was walking in the garden with Brutus, his best friend and confidant. Brutus was the only man in Rome he trusted. Caesar didn’t get to where he was by not knowing who to trust and who not to trust. He trusted himself and Brutus. That was an error. He knew the Roman Senate was full of fools. They were rich and fancy. Their wives were beautiful and easy to bed. He new they hated him for declaring himself as dictator. The Senate was furious when they discovered it was Caesar making all the rules. They hated him for taking their power away. He made them into a debate club. He generally ignored them. Occasionally, Caesar would parade his Legions around Rome to remind the Senate who was who in Rome.

The Senate leader decided to kill him. It couldn’t be some street bum. They eventually settled on Brutus. Though being close to Caesar, which was necessary, he was greedy. A bribe would let Brutus live as he wanted to. He wanted a lot. He knew the bribe had to be big enough for him to get as far away from Rome as he could. He agreed to stab Caesar on the Ides of March. Caesar wouldn’t expect it then.

“He wouldn’t expect it at all. He thinks you’re a suck-ass. He would laugh out loud to think you would try that. He thinks you wouldn’t have the balls to do anything like that. We’re not that sure ourselves. But we are going to give it shot. If you can’t get it done, we’ll have have you killed too. It would be a two for one job.”

Brutus was an ass-kisser. He lived a rich life as long as Caesar lived or he got a lot of money and Caesar left him his estate. There was a better chance of that than the plot these idiots had in mind. Tell Caesar about the plot and get an estate as a reward. He used that to drive up the price. They said they would tell Caesar of Brutus’ plan and Brutus would lose his head. They would be free to look elsewhere. Things were getting be confusing.

Finally Brutus agreed to to take Caesar out. He sneaking up on him and stabbed him time and time again. Caesar looked at Brutus with surprise. Caesar had made a mistake. He looked at Brutus and said,”Et tu ,Brutus?”

“Well,I’m the one holding the knife.”

Caesar was moaning. He told Brutus he was standing on his back and he was having trouble breathing.

“Brutus, I’m having trouble breathing. You’ve gained a few pounds. Probably from drinking that horrible beer.”

“You think I’ve become a little chubby? That hurts, man.”

The Senators were feeling pretty good until then.

“Since when did dead men moan?”

“Maybe he’s really a god.”

“We’d be in real trouble then. But,if he was a god, wouldn’t he have temples and some priests and high priests and maybe some young, girls dancing around- and getting drunk on the good stuff?”

Brutus laughed,“Maybe he’s just playing with you? When his legions hear about this, what do you think they are going to do?”

Another Senator told Brutus he was hired to kill Caesar. Brutus s told him they hired him to stab Caesar. He did that 23 times. Caesar being dead, alive or a god was between them and Caesar. He was going on a long trip.

The Senators decided to come up with a good story. It was the only choice except what Brutus was going to do now because the killing had failed. Brutus made it clear they weren’t going with him.

Caesars legions went through Rome with no mercy. They killed as many Senators as they could. They drank all the good wine and stole all the robes they came across. They had a great time.

Then Darius, Caesars’ top commander, got them thinking what destroying Rome meant. “We take it all now, what after that? No pay, no looting the savages, not anything. Time to get up the borders and act as if nothing happened. The people are stupid. We have to start Emperor government owned by us. We’ll sell it to the highest bidder. Slick, right”

It sounded slick right up to when Octavian took control. He was Caesars’ great-nephew, adopted son and heir. And who knows what else. Hard to beat that. He sent the legions to Britannia. They never came back.

Now, that was slick as slick can be. Yea, ET tu to you.