The Dugal Zoo

Danny Dugal stared at the sign, just as he had for as long as he could remember. The sign, half-rotted and barely legible, still insisted this was the Dugal Zoo. His father had taught him how to go up to the Interstate and use red paint to write "zoo" on the exit sign and an arrow pointing to the left. He did it in the dead of night. Even the State Troopers weren't going to bother with him.

The zoo was nothing to write home about. Once, Danny tried to fix things up and called the local handyman, a legend in town for fixing anything that wasn’t already six feet under.

“Repair it? It’s all decayed. Damned sign is going to collapse one of these days. I don’t want it to fall on me.”

“I know, but it has sentimental value.” That really wasn’t true, but since his dad had put the sign up years ago, it felt like a memorial. Years back, his dad caught a bear cub and started the zoo. That turned out to be a terrible idea. He tranquilized the cub, built a cage, and brought it home. The mother bear searched everywhere. No local would risk hiding a bear, unless they were desperate or naive. After a bear killed his dad, the zoo was left behind. It wasn’t the cub’s mother, but his dad was gone all the same. The bear cub escaped soon after, and that’s how the Dugal Zoo seemed to operate. From the start, tourists were unaware of what they were getting, so there were no refunds. The no-refund rule was there from day one.

Danny was sitting in his kitchen, enjoying his morning coffee and looking out the window. It always looked the same. It looked as it always did. Danny always looked out the window, hoping something different would be there. It nev-. There’s a truck sitting there. A horse trailer was hitched to it. There was a van stopped there, as well. There were a couple of guys and a gal looking toward his holding cage. It was there to keep whatever animal Danny got to settle down.

Danny walked out and asked what was going on. The gal looked at him as if he were an alien. “Have you looked down there today?”

That irritated Danny to no end. They were supposed to answer his questions, not expecting him to be answering their questions.“I’m Dan Dugal. O won this place. Why are you here, and what am I supposed to be seeing?”

The girl, sort of pretty in an odd way, pointed at the cage. Oh, crap. Hope she isn’t one of those PETA creeps. Nah, she was too good-looking to be one of them. Most of the PETA folks were ugly as a snake trying to creep up on you. He didn’t have anything new in the holding place. He looked around and saw the darts hung from their belts. What the hell was this? He looked down. A gorilla! What’s a gorilla doing here? How did it get here? Danny didn’t want to start a petting zoo.

“What’s a gorilla doing here?”

“He escaped. We found him here.”

“Hey! Get out of here.”

The gorilla stood up, looked at Danny, and flipped him the bird. Then he climbed out of the holding area and ran off. Why would a gorilla flip him the bird? The entire group of hunters ran after him. Danny wouldn’t have done that for anything. Chase a gorilla? Yeah, don’t want a petting zoo. This was all he needed. Next, people would expect a lion or, worse, a hyena.

It all started when Danny’s grandfather left 500 acres of thriving farmland  to Danny’s father decades ago. Over time, Danny’s father lost most of it. He would sell off some land each time money ran short, always excusing it as necessary to not live as a poor family did. Danny’s mother complained about it nearly every day, reminding him that the land was going to waste. Danny’s dad never argued. Satisfied with his choices, he wasn't interested in farming the land as his father had, preferring another path.

He realized he had all that land, and it was slipping away from him. After watching a documentary about zoos, he noticed that many tourists came through the area or went camping. They would park their campers, hike the trails, and end the day grilling steak and drinking beer. But, after a couple of days, it got boring, and they acted like they didn’t need to see more trees. They needed something else to do.

Everyone loves a zoo, and there weren’t any nearby, so he figured, why not build one? He thought he’d make good money, avoid hard work, and maybe stop his wife from complaining. He borrowed money from the bank, using the land as collateral, and got started. If he failed, the bank would take the land, and the family would be living like poor folk, which they would be. He set up a zoo  and bought some animals. He tried his best for the animals.

He sat Danny down and told him, “What this zoo needs is a bear. People around here see bears all the time, and it doesn’t mean much to them. Those sissified tourists probably never saw it. It’s something we need. I’m going to one of those dart things and sneak up on a bear and knock him out. Old Sammy will loan me his tow truck. I’ll wrap chains around the bear and hoist him up. I’ll bring him here and get him into a cage. When it wakes up, it’s an exhibit. Add value to the zoo. Someday, you’ll get this place and be grateful I did it.”

Danny realized things hadn’t gone the way his dad planned. His dad found the bear, but the bear found him first. The Rangers later found what was left. Someone said, “The bear was smart, only eating the best parts and leaving the rest to the scavengers. I wonder why Sammy’s truck is here. He isn’t stupid enough to try darting one. What was he going to do with the damn thing when it woke up? ”

Danny agreed about the value of a bear. He had no intention of going after one. He’d hire someone to do that. Next thing he knew, a half-ton pulled in with a live bear. The driver said, “Be really careful here. He’s a lively one. I don’t think he appreciated the nap. I know he was mad as Hell when he hoisted him to my truck. I’m sure glad I remembered to chain it down. It was mighty unhappy about that, too.”

Danny said, “How are we going to get it into the bear den?”

“You mean, how are you going to get it in there. I brought it here. It’s all yours now. I need to be somewhere else, so I’d appreciate a little hustling here.”

“Can’t you hoist it up and over this wall. It would wander down to the den area, and I’d seal it off. Can’t he get out of there? What do you say?”

“I say, hurry up and get the bear where you want it. I do mean you. I took a chance getting that damned bear, I ain’t going to push my luck. You push yours.”

Now, Danny had a problem. He assumed that if someone captured a live bear, they’d help him get the bear into the exhibit area. He didn’t see this coming. Who could help him? If this guy took the chains off the bear before a plan was made, Danny would be up the creek.

“I’ll pay you double. How’s that?”

“That sounds great. I still ain’t gonna do it. I’ll give you time to find someone to drive this truck, back it up to here, and toss that bear in. If I were you, I’d sell the zoo and move away from here. Most folks around here liked that idea. The smell is really ripe. Surprised now one has done something to the zoo or to you.”

Meanwhile, the handyman was back fixing the sign. He was really careful. He kept a good eye on it. It was just not enough. The sign did what he said it did the first time he repaired it. It became a pile of rotted wood on the highway.

It would become Danny’s memorial someday.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. Evan Esar

I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around. Ernest Hemingway

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo. Billy Connolly

If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't have to pay. Bob Dole

For actors in Hollywood, it's very straightforward. We're well-paid animals in a zoo. Robin Wright

My dream job would be to work in a zoo with gorillas. You get to feed them and go in the enclosure with them, that would be dead cool. Charlotte Crosby

I love acting, but it's much more fun taking the kids to the zoo. Nicole Kidman

It does get old to have to always be a monkey in a zoo. I don't know what it's like any more to be anonymous. Kevin Bacon

When I was in college, the first thing we did in acting class was to observe an animal at the zoo and become that animal. So I picked a wallaby. Claire Coffee

I have friends who come to the Australia Zoo, and it's just, instead of playing video games, we get to hug and kiss a giraffe or walk a tiger. Bindi Irwin

If I could adopt any zoo animal, it would be a giraffe. I have always loved giraffes. They are so graceful and beautiful to watch. Torrey DeVitto

I worked at the zoo for three months, and I got to be very close with the 400 pound gorilla. And I was one of three people in the world that could touch him. Josh Blue