Ahab and Moby Dick

Captain Ahab was sitting at his favorite table at Cutthroat Cove. He stretched his leg out to be more comfortable. It was his peg leg, courtesy of Moby Dick. He picked up his grog with his right hand, his good hand, his only hand. Again, courtesy of Moby Dick. He looked around the tavern with his good eye, having lost his other eye when he went to scratch it with his left hand. His left hand was a hook and he popped the eye right out. He blamed that on Moby Dick too, even if it was a little unfair. He sometimes thought Moby Dick was killing him a piece at a time.

Ahab was trying to get a crew together to go after that whale. He was having a little trouble doing so in that no one wanted to sail with him. It wasn’t so much because he was a tyrant, sailors were used to that. It was because he was an incompetent tyrant. How many times had Captain Ahab gone after that whale and how many times had the whale won? Ahab was obsessed with the whale he called Moby Dick. They figured that to Ahab the whale was a dick. Sometimes he’d find him quickly and other times the crew had to mutiny to get back to home port

Moby Dick was cruising around the ocean not really doing too much If he was thinking, it was that it was nice and peaceful without that crazy Captain Ahab bothering him. Moby Dick was pretty well fed up with Ahab. No more nibbling him. Next time it’s the whole enchilada. The Captain is going down for the count. Enough is enough. Every time he got a piece of Ahab he got gas.

“Captain Ahab?I’ve been told you’re looking for a first mate. I’m Christian Fletcher.”

I’m a Christian also”

“No, Captain, I think I confused you. Christian is my name.” Uh, oh. This captain may not be all there.

“Oh, well, that’s fine. I was the one confused? Have you experience, sir,” Ahab asked Fletcher. This man seemed a dreamy sort by the looks of him.

“Yes, sir. I was the first mate of His Majesty’s Ship the Bounty. Later, I was the captain.”

“I see. Can you get a letter of recommendation from the previous captain?”

“Uh, umm, well. I don’t think the previous captain, Captain Bligh, would care to do that. In fact, he’d like to know where I am. We had this small disagreement and I put him in a rowboat and sent him off. He probably resents that.”

“I see. Then he’s not available. But you did captain the ship, you say? OK, I need a second-in-command and you seem to be able, according to you. He also seemed to be available and willing. Probably have to keep a close watch on him though. Ahab thought he might have to hang him.”

“Ahrrr, there, Cap. I be lookin’ to go to sea and hear ye be lookin’ for a sailor.” The man saying this was short and stumpy. He did have huge forearms. He also had a squint. Whether or not he had an eye there or not was something Ahab couldn’t tell. He was smoking a pipe.

“Sorry, this ship is smoke-free. Ahab told him to not smoke. That tobacco is hideous anyway.” Popeye did it anyway.

The guy had a large bag of spinach. Captain Ahab was suspicious of that too. Who carries spinach around? But he needed sailors and had trouble signing one on. Ahab didn’t care that much for two-eyed people but you get what you can.

“You have a name, sailor?”

“Aye, Cap. I be Popeye the Sailorman.”

“Well, that’s quite a name. What do I call you?”

“Popeye the Sailorman.”

Moby Dick would sneak up on ships and see who was on the bridge. How a whale sneaks up on a ship is unknown. They can’t exactly play hide and seek.’ A captain would be looking at the ocean one minute and a whale the next. The captains always jumped back instinctively. It was eerie, to say the least. It was as if the whale was looking the captain over. The whale, if it was Moby Dick, was looking for Captain Ahab. If it wasn’t Ahab, then the whale would dive and go away. He’d quickly resurface to be sure Ahab wasn’t trying to trick him. Moby Dick used to hit the ship again but he didn”t want his living area known.

Ahab and his crew sailed into the far ocean in search of the whale. Ahab was determined to find Moby Dick. The crew didn’t care if they never found the whale. They would be getting the same money either way. They didn’t believe the Captain’s stories about this whale but why take a chance? Sure, if they saw him they’d tell the captain but they weren’t going to look that hard or yell out or anything like that.

Then it happened. The captain spotted the whale. “Thar he blows, the no good, dirty-. I have him now. I’m going to give him a broadside of cannonballs. Let him eat that. I’ll put him so full of holes he’ll leak like this boat does.” He ordered the crew to load the cannons and prepare to fire.

Fletcher told Ahab that putting a bunch of holes might sink the whale. How would they get the blubber then? “Ahab said I see your point.” He then ordered a broadside. He wasn’t letting Moby Dick get away.

Moby Dick surfaced to see another ship with another captain. Hey, it’s that crazy one. This was the idiot one he had been looking for. He was yelling and swearing and jumping around. He probably plans to give me a broadside. Well, Moby Dick had a surprise for him. He’d get right behind him where there were there no guns. Let the obsessed Captain stew on that for a while.

“Captain, the whale is following us. We can’t get a shot at him. There he goes. He went under,” Christian informed the captain.

“He’ll be back. This is personal between us. He’ll be ba-”

Moby Dick was back. He was right under the ship. Directly under the ship. Then he surfaced. Now the ship was on his back and out of the water. He has that crazy captain right where he wanted him.

“That stupid whale! Now I have him right where I want him. Mr. Christian, prepare a boarding party. We’ll cut him to ribbons we will.”

“No, captain, I think not. This is insane. We’ll not be a part of this”, Christian replied.

Mutiny, sir! I say this is mutiny! I see you hanged from the yardarm! You coward! I’ll take the whale myself, scoundrel.”

With that, Ahab jumped onto the back of the whale with a scaling knife. He began hacking at Moby Dick while yelling at the top of his lungs. Moby Dick noticed that Captain Ahab was off the ship and on his back. OK, time to dive. Let’s see how long this guy can hold his breath. Ahab didn’t think of trying to set the whale’s fat on fire. Of course, Moby Dick would dive and that would screw that plan.

The last that Fletcher Christian and Popeye the Sailorman saw of Captain Ahab and Moby Dick was of the captain holding on and the whale diving. It was quite a sight. It was a fitting memorial to Captain Ahab.