Ain't Us What Needs A New Bridge

In most states divided by a river, the border runs along the river's midpoint. This approach is practical, simplifies mapping, and helps avoid disputes. As the saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

The Ohio River separates Ohio and Kentucky, but unlike most state borders, the river lies almost entirely within Kentucky due to historical circumstances. This arrangement was not problematic until Cincinnati obtained federal funding to repair the bridge between Cincinnati and Lexington. The federal government agreed to cover ninety percent of the cost for each state, but longstanding tensions complicated the process, especially for Kentucky.< /p>

“Uh, Director Franks, the river is all in Kentucky except for the on and off ramps in Ohio.”

“Yeah, so? We give the money to Kentucky to fix the bridge. Why are you bothering me with a simple chore like this? This doesn’t say much for your future as a bureaucrat. I'd better keep an eye on you. I bet you went to a public college.”

“Yes, sir, but there is a problem with that. The Secretary of Transportation in Kentucky said he doesn’t think the bridge is his problem and won’t come up with the other ten per cent.”

“He what! What the Hell is this? Getting a bunch of free dollars is a great deal. Son, you come along with me. I’ll show you how it’s done. Make an appointment with the guy, and I’ll have him begging for the money as quick as I can talk.”

His assistant considered Franks overly confident, suspecting he underestimated Kentuckians. It seemed clear that Franks had not taken the time to truly understand the perspectives and interests of local stakeholders. In public administration, failing to carefully analyze who holds power and influence in a situation can quickly derail even the best-laid plans. This experience would serve as a valuable lesson in the importance of thorough stakeholder analysis when working across jurisdictions.

The appointment was set for Lexington three days later. The Director was pissed about that. The meeting should have been the next day. The Kentucky Secretary said he was busy until then. The Ohio officials didn’t need to be there. “It ain’t none a his business what Kentucky does. He can come to the meeting, but he'd better keep quiet.”

The meeting was set for 9a.m. The Director knew it meant 10a.m. They were called into the Secretary’s office at 11a.m. The Secretary sat behind a huge, paper-strewn desk while the Director, his assistant, and the representatives from Ohio sat in chairs facing him. The Secretary didn’t speak at first. As the host, he was supposed to open the meeting. After a few minutes, he said, “Okay, we’re all here, I guess. Now, what’s all this tomfoolery about Kentucky paying to fix that bridge?”

The Director sat up straighter in his chair, coughed, and replied, “Kentucky isn’t going to be paying to fix the bridge.”

“You’re only paying ten per cent. The United States Department of Transportation is paying 90 per cent. You can’t get a better deal than that anywhere.”

The Kentucky official mulled that over for a while. Actually, he was only sitting there for effect. “Well, now, I’d say spending nothing is a whole lot better than spending anything. There’s a deal for you.”

“Yes, but the bridge needs to be repaired, and this is the way to do it.” This was from the assistant. Director Franks didn’t like him saying it, although he would have said the same thing.

“You say it needs to be repaired. I don’t say that. I haven’t heard a single complaint about that old bridge.”

One of the Ohio reps spoke up at this. “We receive complaints daily about the danger of the bridge. The damn thing is falling apart.”

The Secretary looked at him and said, “Why, that’s a shame. People down here ought not be giving money to Ohio about their troubles. That’s just not right.”

“No, it’s Ohio drivers complaining. They come over the bridge to Lexington and then back to Ohio. They are getting scared to drive on it.”

“Well, now, that’s something entirely different. Your folks come here to Lexington because our sales tax is lower. I fail to see why we should foot the bill for your drivers. No one here much drives into Ohio anyway. I think the problem is between you and the feds. That’s what I think.”

Franks said,“I agree. The thing of it is- the fed, er, the Transportation Department says the bridge is all in Kentucky. We are willing to pay the cost, but that’s illegal. Ask him. It doesn’t make sense, but there it is.”

“That seems dumb if you ask me.”

Director Franks said, “No, it’s smart. y.ctlredit not easlkWe can’t make the taxpayers of Ohio pay for a bridge in Kentucky. aGod, man, that’s not going to fly any way you look at it.”

“Well, Kentucky ain’t paying for a bridge we don’t need and, to be honest, don’t really want. Hell, we don’t want those Buckeyes here anyway. How about you feds spend the 90 per cent and get the bridge as good as that will pay for. Ought to do, I think. How to get on the bridge and off it is a problem, theirs, not ours.”

Director Franks said he’d never heard of anything like that. The Kentucky Secretary thought he must be a bit deaf, so he repeated it. The Washington D.C. Director thought he was trying to negotiate with him. He was amazed by that.

“Look, here’s the way it is- The federal government doesn’t negotiate. We tell, you do.” Where’s this guy been? He’s too old to be an intern and too ignorant to be anything officially.

The Secretary mulled that one over for real. He looked at the reps from Ohio and at Frank's assistant.

“Boy, you ain’t in Washington now. Y’all in Kaintuck, bluegrass country. Y’all can tell all you want to, but you ain’t gettin’ a dime of our money. Y’all get too much of it as is. Now, there’s a nice state trooper outside to escort y’all to the airport. Don’t come back, ya hear?”

“You can’t talk to me like that. I’m from Washington.”

“Son, you ain’t there now. You’re here. You can pay all of it, or pay none of it, or whatever you want. You ain’t getting any money from us. There are a couple of good old Troopers outside. They’re going to give you an escort to the broken-down old bridge. Last time there was a fuss, we stayed on your side; don’t make us regret that.”

Bridge To Nowhere-Who Knows

Bridge Over Troubled Water- Paul Simon

We build too many walls and not enough bridges-. Isaac Newton

It makes no difference if I burn my bridges behind me - I never retreat. Fiorello LaGuardia I like to see myself as a bridge builder, that is me building bridges between people, between races, between cultures, between politics, trying to find common ground- T. D. Jakes

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.- Dylan Thomas

I like to build bridges... not walls.- Óscar Arias

I'm not a wilting flower. I'm honest, so I pick a lot of fights. I've burned a lot of bridges. - Scott Thompson

Bridges become frames for looking at the world around us. -Bruce Jackson I like to see myself as a bridge builder, that is me building bridges between people, between races, between cultures, between politics, trying to find common ground. -T. D. Jakes