The Carny-Circus

“I’m telling you it would be a big hit. People will talk about it for years.”

“Yea, it would, the part about hitting big. Thing is you’d be dead after that, so it would be a one-time thing and you won’t hear the cheers.”

“Oh, I think If I land just right I could be the most famous wire walker ever.”

“But a dead one.”

This was from Tony, head of the small carnival/circus that barely made enough to pay for itself. Tony’s dad started this and passed it on to the boy. Tony felt an obligation to carry it on. He wasn’t sure why. The damned thing barely made enough to stay in business and Tony hated the carnival-circus. He hated the animals and the people in the carny and the people who came to see it. After elephants were banned, his audience was smaller. Tony had to eat with the performers and setup crew. It was really bad.

Boris ,the weightlifter, calling himself Bad Boris, came in and complained the weight were being messed with. He was having trouble lifting them. Tony asked him who could lift them to do anything to them. He suggested that the weightlifter was getting older and couldn’t do what he once did. Boris thought about that and said, “No, someone is messin’ with them. I find out who I’m going to kick ass.”

“Boris, anyone strong enough to mess with at your weight would be strong enough to put you in the hospital. I don’t give you health insurance so there you are,” Tony said.This was the kind thing Tony had to deal with. Fortunately the performers came cheap. Unfortunately, they didn’t draw the crowd anymore. Tony still had to pay them and feed them. He had to keep track of whether or not they would stay in his little circus/carnival. He had to get rid of the midgets when some group picketed his show of midget-tossing. Tony thought they had important things they could picket, so why him? He saved on their pay and grub with having them wrestling. They didn’t get any crowd at midget wresting so he had to let them go.. Tony left them in Cuckaspoo, Kansas. He sent them to a double-header at the theater and left town.

The lady with the beard got nowhere in this day and age. With the transgender crap, it was no longer worth paying to see. He thought about having her dance nude. That would draw a crowd but the first time it happened the local police shut him down. Tony left feeling he was ahead of his time. The same thing happened with the guy who had horns transplanted and claimed to be Satan. The local church ladies put a stop to that. They were a pain in the ass but made a big fuss and had better PR. The Sheriff told Tony it would be better to move along. Tony told him he was well into his right to stay and the Sheriff said he didn’t have the right unless he went to court. Tony knew that would take years and with attorney fees being what they are he should just move along. He also knew he was using public property without a license.

Tony knew he would have only one night wherever he set up so he made tearing the carny/circus easy to take down and move on. His reputation wouldn’t be hurt with one night but two night drew some group and some cops. Tony also worried about losing performers. Sometimes one of them wanted to go legit. Tony couldn’t stop them and, at times, couldn’t replace them. Tony had been run off a few times before he got going. He setup wherever there was space. The cops would tell him he was trespassing and Tony had to break everything down and move on. No money in that but he still had to feed his people.

The food he gave them was at most fourth-class. They moaned and groaned about it but, as they had nowhere else to go, they ate. They mostly kept it down. When Tony would pickup some fast food, they thought they had died and went to Heaven. Of course, a daily diet of that would make shinny people fat and fat people fatter. Of course, Tony wasn’t going to make this a daily meal. It didn’t pay. He made it as occasional thing to keep troops happy. Tony had a real fear they would rebel and kill him or, worse, quit.

The lion was a left-over from the Circus part. He would do tricks and generally impress the crowd. His trainer had long run off. Now the Lion was either in his cage or tied to a thick chain that gave him room to move about outside. During the evening he sat in his cage. The little kids would throw popcorn at him until he charged them. They would piss themselves and run away. The lion didn’t do it as much as he once did. He sometimes misjudged his skid and ran into the bars of the cage. Still and all, he was better off here than the jungle. Sometimes the local “Free the Lion” protesters would show up chanting and making Tony’s crowd smaller. Tony stopped that by tying the lion outside when they showed up. They’d piss their pants and run away. Sometimes the local cops would order him to get rid of the lion. Tony would tell them to tell the lion. They always wet their pants and left. They’d write their reports saying no lion was found.

The games were all fixed one way or another. Shooting the duck was controlled by the vendor. To win you had to cheat better than he did. Ske-Ball was set up to prevent most balls from going in. Someone with a good memory could watch and figure the direction of the balls and then play. Winning got you tickets to redeem. A lot of tickets didn’t mean a lot of a prize. It was a small stuffed animal at best. Three card Monte was a big one. They kept on the move. Tony gave them a price that changed from town to town. There is a tendency among magicians and three card Monte researchers to talk about the “real way” to run a three-card-Monte, as if Three-card-Monte isn’t a scam. It’s hard to spot the right card no matter how good you think you are. The basket ball toss is a big pay scam. The hoop is smaller than a regulation hoop though it will be used in combination with optical illusions to make it appear the correct size. You just aren’t going to win at a carnival.

The life in a carny-circus was not a way to make big money. You’d be lucky to make small money, or any. The show people lived in campers hoping to be able to park in a place with water and a restroom, at least water. The crew lived in their trucks. They were an odd lot to start with. As long as they had food they didn’t care where they pulled in. They drank gin and went wherever they could. The next morning they’d tear everything down and go to the next place Tony found. One of the performers told him there was an act wanting to try out.

“What kind of act?”

“Don’t know and didn’t ask. Not my job.”

It was the dwarfs carrying Boris’ weights.