Billy Tries To Rob A Bank

Billy sat watching his prairie dog roasting. It was disgusting unless you were very hungry. Billy was very hungry. Even at that, he might bring it back up. His horse could eat prairie grass. Billy tried it and it did nothing. Billy was hiding and hungry after losing all his money in a poker game. He wasn’t any good at it but thought he had been having a streak of bad luck. The streak had lasted from the beginning. He always thought playing to an inside straight would eventually work. It had one time. Then he tried three cards for a flush. It didn’t happen. He wasn’t good at poker.

He’d have to find a couple of guys and rob a bank. He sent word to the Palmer brothers to meet him in Abilene. While waiting for some sort of response, he worked at a stable. He got 50 cents a day and was allowed to sleep in the loft. It wasn’t much but Billy didn’t have any honest skill. Things would be different after robbing a bank. That he was good at.

The Preston brothers were good with small banks. The money wasn’t that good but they didn’t have to worry about a posse either. They had to be careful where they lived though. They were wanted men. Their reward was not much. That used to piss them off.

“500 dollars? That ain’t much,” Paul Preston said.

“Well, any bigger and someone might come lookin’ for us,” his brother Simon said.

“Yea, I reckon you're right.”

Billy couldn’t do anything but wait until the word got around. He still had no money. He got a job at the blacksmith. It was 50 cents a day and he was allowed to sleep in the loft. It was comfortable compared to sleeping out on the ground. That still didn’t make it pleasant. 50 cents didn’t buy good food. There wasn’t any to be found anyway. He ate out of a can.

Finally, Paul Preston rode in and found Billy. “Man, you stink something fierce.”

“Yea, well. You do too. So what?”

“Ya, but mine is from sweat. Yours smells like horse shit.”

“OK. Where’s Simon?”

“Uh. he got himself hung over in Dry Creek. The idiot got himself drunk, shot a man and they hung him.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I always liked him.”

“Yea, well, he ain’t going to be any help dead.”

“I guess not. Well, we can do this one with jus’ the two of us. I figured we’d lock the Sheriff in the jail. Then we can jus’ walk in and take the money.” They rode into Dry Creek and saw it was a little spit on the map. Fortunately, Billy saw a bank. The town didn’t look as if it could have a bank.

They walked into the Sheriff’s office with their guns drawn. The Sheriff raised his hands.“Now, boys, I ain’t got a ain’t no money. This ain’t much of a town and, to be honest, I ain’t much of a Sheriff .”

“Well, true or not, we aim to rob your bank. So, get into one of your cells. That way-”

“Uh, take a good look around. Ain’t got no cells. All I ever get is drunks. I make ‘em sit in that chair until they sober up. Then I fine ‘em a bit and let them go”

Billy looked and there weren’t any cells. Damn it, this Sheriff don’t kook like he’d be a problem but still-“Okay, we’ll hog tie ya.”

“Look again, there ain’t no rope here. You probably find some at the general store.”

Paul Preston thought this wasn’t going well. Billy may have become as good at robbing banks as he was at poker.

“Paul, watch him so I can get some rope.”

“Why not rob the bank now. There isn’t anyone going to stop them or chase them.”

Billy went over to the general store. It wasn’t much to look at. It did have rope. Billy told the owner he needed ten feet of it. After cutting the rope to size the owner told Billy the price’ “That’ll be 45 cents.”

Billy didn’t have 4 cents. Then he realized he was going to rob a bank. What was 45 cents of rope going to change? “Umm. I’m here to rob your bank. I ain’t worrying about 45 cents.”

“Then you better worry about this here shotgun I got aimed at you.”

Billy turned to see a woman aiming a shotgun at him. It was probably the owner’s wife. Still, a shotgun isn’t anything to fool with. “Lady, if you shoot me, my partner will come over here and shoot you.”

“Maybe, but you’d be dead so that won’t help you.”

“No, it wouldn’t. Maybe we can make a deal. Give me the rope and I’ll pay a whole dollar for it in a couple of minutes.”

“Where you gonna get a dollar if you don’t have it now. Three ain’t no work hereabouts.”

“Uh, me and my pardner are going to rob the bank. You’ll get your dollar.”

“The bank? Take the rope. That old sob tried to take our store. We’ll give you more rope if you’re planning to hang him.”

Billy slowly backed out of the store. He didn’t know why. If she decided to shoot him he was dead. Still, it seemed to be the right thing to do since she was still pointing the shotgun at him.

Billy and Paul hog-tied the sheriff. He told them it wasn’t necessary. He wasn’t going to get killed for all he got paid.. Billy and Pail thought that was probably true. Still, they had to make it look like they did something hard. They left tied up and walked over to the bank.

They went in to see a pretty young girl as the teller. Billy walked over to her and handed her a sack. He told her to put all the money in it. The girl refused. I can’t give you other people’s money.”

“Uh, this a robbery. It doesn’t matter to you if I steal it.”

“Sure it does. This money from from working people. I can’t just give it to you.”

“Look, this isn’t worth gettin’ shot for.”

“Oh, you won’t shoot me. I’m too cute.”

That stumped Billy. Usually, the threat of being shot was enough to have the tellers fork over the money. Truth be known, as she did, Billy wasn’t going to shoot a woman. He’d like to go back that store and shoot that bitch.

“OK, get the manager. I’ll shoot him no matter how cute he is.”

The manager came out, sized up the situation and started laughing. “You boys are here to rob me? Thing is, I don’t have all that much. This is a small town bank. Now is the time I loan farmers for their seed money and ranchers for their cowboys. Then when the harvest comes in and the herd is sold they pay me back with interest. Well, it's that time of year. I have maybe 1000 dollars right now, I’ll give it to you but you won’t get far and then you get hanged.”

“We seen your sheriff. He probably can’t ride a horse much less catch us. Even if he did he can’t do nothing. Give us a look into your sake and we’ll leave.”

“OK, but being strangers you stand out. After you leave the word will get out to the ranchers and farmers. They’ll hunt you down and hang you.”

Paul thought that through and believed it. “Billy, I don’t want to chance gettin’ hung like Simon did.”

“I don’t believe this fella. I think he’s jus’ trying to scare us.”

“Well, Billy, I am scared. What he says makes sense.”

“Yea, well, I’ll take my chances. I ain’t got no money so I ain’t ridin’ out broke.”

The banker was getting bored with this. “Well, I can loan you a few dollars and you pay it back. Rope ain’t that costly here. Of course, I’ll have to charge you 10% interest.”