Einstein

This theory of everything isn’t paying off like the other stuff Einstein came up with. He thought he ought to give a series of lectures. It make it seem like you were actually doing something. Besides Albert Einstein said time was relevant to space. He also said “Keep everything as simple as possible but not so simple that anyone could prove him wrong.”

As smart as he was, he was not very successful at the start of his scientific career. In fact, his career didn’t start in science. He always said he didn’t start in scienc but then he would wink.

He opted out of the German army in the Great becoming a Swiss. Neither Germans or the Swiss cared.the He didn’t think shooting at someone was very smart and he knew being shot at certainly wasn't. He got all the education and degrees he needed but no one wanted him. No one. Normally thazt woulds be a little humbling but no one could humble Einstein. He found a job as a clerk in a government office. He wasn’t very good at it. He was always daydreaming. The idea of marching up a hill with a heavy pack on didn't seem something he wanted to do.

One day, as he rode the trolley home from his job, he noticed he could still read the time on the big clock behind him. He was doodling something or another at the time. Suddenly he jumped up, pointed to the clock and yelled out, “Eureka!”

Everyone around him jumped up too. Was the trolley crashing? Was it about to derail? What was going on? Then, when nothing happened, they stared and glared at the man who yelled. Einstein was embarrassed and sat down and kept quiet. The rest of the passengers kept a wary eye on him.

After getting home and having his dinner, he took a cup of tea. Suddenly he yelled Eureka! Again. He had it this time. There was no such thing as time. No matter how far he traveled from the clock the time remained the same! Eureka!, he said to himself, “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” His wife either didn’t understand or didn’t care ,but she made no response. She figured this was Albert being Albert.

He wrote that up as a paper and put it in a drawer. He didn’t understand it and wasn’t sure it couldn’t be disproved. That it couldn’t be proven was immaterial in the world of science. As long as no one could disprove a theory you could say the most outlandish things and did. The scientists of the day had nothing on Jules Verne.

He thought this one through as best he could. He thought that light had to travel at a constant speed. How could it not? Okay, so far, so good. Now what? Einstein figured out that the faster an object moves, the more massive it becomes. He couldn’t prove that but no one could prove it didn’t. That means that no object can ever reach the full speed of light because its mass would become beyond measurement.

This led to the physics expression E=mc². E is for energy, m is for mass and c is the speed of light. Eureka! How the hell would anyone prove that wrong? He wrote a paper and it was a hit. He had it made now. No more patent office jobs for him. Now he could lounge around as a Professor with no one bitching at him to stop daydreaming and do some work. How could you tell if he was daydreaming or working as a Professor? He taught basic physics but since he was a learned professor it came out as special. He was getting smarter by the day, or so it seemed.

When Hitler came to power Einstein was smart enough to realize that was a bad thing for him as a Jew. He went on a tour to the United States. Hitler, being a lot less intelligent than Einstein, let him go in order to show off German science.

When told later that Einstein was a Jew, Hitler screamed out, “Stop him! Find out who the Dummkopf was that allowed this to happen.” It was Hitler so nothing was ever done to anyone.

When WWII began in the Pacific and then in Europe, the United States was not involved. Some scientists worried about the German ability to build an atomic bomb. All understood the splitting of the atom produced great energy. Great energy would produce a big bang,

The big shot scientists needed to warn President Roosevelt of the danger. They also knew Roosevelt didn’t know crap about science but he had to know Einstein was a star in the field. They recruited him to go see the President.

“Good morning, Professor Einstein. It is a genuine honor to meet you. Excuse me for not standing. Polio you see.”

“Ja, I heard you can’t stand on your own two feet. I come to you to tell you a warning of a bomb the Germans could be building. It’s a big bomb. It would be a real boom.”

“Yes, yes, I know. The Germans are always building something bigger than the next guy. When, I mean you didn’t hear that from me, we go to war we’ll deal with it.”

Einstein thought- Dummkopf. There would be no dealing with this bomb. “Mister President, you don’t understand the power of an atomic bomb. It won’t be a little boom, it will be a big boom!”

Roosevelt damn near jumped out of his wheelchair. His Secret Service agents damn near shot Einstein. It took a few minutes for everyone to settle down, except for Einstein. He was only puzzled at the reaction. It wasn’t like when he yelled Eureka!. Okay, this man may be President but he’s a little jumpy.

“Mr. President, a normal bomb explodes outward when it is set off. It makes a boom and expands energy and destroys a lot of stuff, okay? If we could make some radioactive thing implode first the substance would get smaller and smaller until it reaches what we call critical mass. Then it explodes outward. But it would be the biggest explosion ever on Earth. Honest. It would make this whole area into a smoking rubble. A big boom.”

“Well, let’s worry about that whe- if we go to war.”

Einstein had done what he was asked to do. Now he could do a series of lectures, which is what he wanted to do.

The hall was filled and then some. Everyone wanted to hear a lecture by Einstein. The other Professors lowered themselves to attending. Einstein shuffled in from a side door. He went to the stage where a group of blackboards were set up. He had on his usual sweater and his pipe. He stood staring at the equation out.

He wrote for the whole hour and a half allotted for his lectures. He then turned to the students and Professors and said, “Okay, solve this equation and I will come back to write another one. Ja?” Einstein left the hall knowing he’d never be back. The equation had no solution. It was gibberish but no one here was smart enough to prove it wrong.

No, he’d never be bothered again because he was a real genius. He had figured out how to do his work with a fake equation.