How Would You Feel?

The government is trying out a new way to get your money without being caught scamming anyone. This avoids the “raise your taxes” problem. That phrase has been shown to turn the people off. This important. Pissed off voters is never good, although meaningless. The government is going to get what they want no mater what you do. It’s not like any of them live next door and go to your barbecue.

Sending your tax form early on time or late has no bearing on what happens to it. It arrives and then something happens to it. Even the government isn’t too sure what it is. If you owe money, they cash your check the same day. If they owe you money, they don’t hurry too much. When an agent has some free time they process it.

Jimmy sent his state income form on April 15th. no reason except his reputation as a procrastinator needed to protect that. End of July comes and no check. He wasn’t surprised. He knew they would want to keep his money as long as possible.

Ok, now it s September and still no refund. He called the IRS to see what’s what. He got a actual person on the line. That was a shocker He told the story and waited for a response. He waited so long he almost hung up. He didn’t because it might take the whole day to get someone to answer, if they answered at all. He gave the agent his name and social Security Number He asked about his return and refund.

“Yes sir, we received your return. I’m looking at the computer right now. How can I help you? It shows you have 600 dollars being returned.”

“But when? I don’t still don’t have it.” That didn’t seem to register with the agent.

“Hmm. I just told you it was returned. You must have received it by now. We here at the IRS are proud of our record.” No it didn’t.

Jimmy knew this wasn’t going to go well. When the government has your money, there isn’t a lot to do with how much they owed you. What were you going to do about is?

“Listen, if I owed you 600 dollars, you’d be after it by now, wouldn’t you?”

“Sir, you need to watch the tone of your voice. You can’t help yourself. Only we can. I don’t work in collections to start with. I don’t know how you got this number. Perhaps that’s what we should work on first.” Now he was getting testy. Testy as if it was his money. Jimmy thought the guy was trained to believe it was. A refund was some sort of gift.

“I think you would have been after me the next day.”

“Yes, that would happen. Why not? We know how to find you.” The agent had dealt with bigger problems than this. He could eat a sandwich and still take care of this guy.We know exactly how much is owed us the money. Think we’d let that slide? It would slide you straight to prison.”

“That isn’t why I called. I want my money.”

“Sir, let me transfer you to another agent.” It was probably a clerk in the next terminal. Yet, it did have a good ring to it. Maybe this next agent would know what to do. Well-

“Hello. This is agent number 34567. Can I have your name and Social Security number. I have it, of course, but I need some sort of ID. After that, I may be able to help you. I pulled up your file.”

“Well. I guess what I want to know when I’m getting my refund. That’s not to hard to ask is it?”

“Sir, I work for the Internal Revenue Service. You need to talk to me with respect. I can erase this file and you’d have to start all over again. You might get it back next Fourth of July. Wait, that’s a holiday. You’d get it back as soon as it was received and processed. Oh, wait. I have a notation. Let’s see. Oh, I see the problem now. It was received buy never processed,the agent said.”

“It’s lost? “Jimmy said.

“Yes sir, well, not lost so much as can’t be found. It may have fell behind a file cabinet or something. Can you give me a contact number?”

“You have my address!”

“But,think of this,sir or ma’am or whatever pronoun you use.” How would you would you feel if you got your mail and received a letter telling us we never received you return and had to send it in again”

“Huh? I do go to my mailbox every day looking to see a refund check. What would you do?”

“I would wait until you contacted us like you are doing now.” What! What did this agent think this was, a chat?

“Damn. Okay, I’ve contacted you. Now what?” He knew the what wasn’t going to be anything but a pain in the ass.

“Send us a copy and we’ll process it.”

“If you don’t lose it.Okay, I’ll get get a copy made and send it to you.”

“It would be faster if you faxed it to us. An apology wouldn’t hurt.” He was like an old dog and a bone.

“Damn it., I don’t have a fax. How do I prevent this from happening again? This is a pain in the ass. How?”

“Hope we hire smarter agents.” Then he laughed.